Never Gonna Happen!
by The Goddess of the Madhouse
Summary: When Sakura becomes so obsessed with Sasuke falling in love with her, that her friends and family worry, there's only one answer...a theripist!
1. Sakura

TRG: Hiya, and welcome to the ficcy, sorry to all the Sasusaku pairing fans, but it kinda annoys me after seeing two billion of them.

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I don't own Naruto

"_Sakura," Sasuke said, a gentle look in his dark eyes. _

"_Yes?" Sakura spoke softly, her hair blown back gently by the wind._

"_There's something I've been wanting to tell you for a while" he says, blushing._

"_What is it Sasuke?"_

"_Sakura, I- I love you!" he blurts out, and they join in a passionate kiss in the moonlight._

**BEEP BEEP BEEP**

"Good morning and welcome to It's never gonna happen! Today's guest is Sakura, who is madly in love with a traitor!"

"Sasuke-kun is not a traitor! He just needs revenge and-"

"And joined Orochimaru in an effort to get power, no you're right he's not a traitor."

The random voice out of nowhere(RVOON) said "anyway Sakura, I've been called here by your friends and family, whom are concerened for your mental health."

"What about Ino pig! She's more obsessed than I am!" Sakura yelled.

"She's next, and very good for admitting you're obsssessed, the first step is acceptance." RVOON says and scribbiling noises are heard from somewhere.

"I'm not accepting anything! I'm NOT obsessed!" Sakura yells.

"Hmmm, ok then what does this fan remind you of?" a fan pops up on the TV screen that also comes from out of no where.

"That's easy! The fan on the back of Sasuke-kun's shirt!" She smiles.

"Oh you poor poor dear, Allright, we need a top notch hypnotist ASAP, lets see….ah please welcome Drowzee!(from pokemon, yes I know ')"

"Drowzee drowzee zee" and witht that sakura is hypnotized.

"I do not love Sasuke, I do not love Sasuke." Sakura says and walks off stage.

"Success! This is RVOON signing out!"

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TRG: Hah that was fun! So how'd you like it? Good? Bad? Fricken chicken? Tell me! Oh and as RVOOM mentioned, Ino's next. 


	2. Ino

RVOON pop's onto the stage, she has bright red hair a labcoat, and is wearing a shirt the say's 'I hate my forehead' with a picture of Tyra Banks on it.(A/N: I don't own Tyra Banks) "Welcome to The Foeprah show (A/N: I don't own Oprah) today our guest is Ino who is obsessed with Sasuke."

The camera switches onto Ino who's wondering how she got there "Sasuke is a worthy obsession to have."

"Oh really, why?" RVOON asks.

"Because, he's cool, and cute and smart, and-"

"and in love with a stripper."

"Exactly, wait, no!" Ino yells realizing what she just agreed about. "Sasuke is'nt in love with a stripper he's in love with"

"Naruto." RVOON says but then feels a glare on her and looks up at Ino "what, they DID kiss, which is more than you can say you've done."

Ino ponders this for a moment before getting an evil glint in her eye "So then, who do YOU think Sasuke will end up with?"

"Honestly, I could care less." She says scribbling things onto her clipboard. "by the way what do you think of Shikamaru?"

"Well, he's lazy, stubborn, and sometimes annoying." Ino Says "But he does have his moments."

"You should go for him, at least you'll have a chance, and a person who'll listen to you."

"What, and give up on Sasuke-kun? Never!" Ino yells, jumping up into a heroic pose onto a bolder that we're not sure when or how it got there.

RVOON sighs "Fine then, I sentence you to the tourture of listening to Barney songs for a month straight, then come back and see me, boy's take her away." As she says this a digimon and that eyeball thing from monster rancher(A/N: Remember that anime? It's been so long, hasn't it?) comes up and takes her away, there are crashing sounds, and a cat yowl heard before it becomes quiet and youhear someone say 'Hello boys and girl's' followed by a 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' and then scilence.

The studio is silent for a moment as everyone blinks and wonders what the hell just happened. "Ok, well, Next time, we deal with Naruto! Bye!" And jumps onto a boat in a river that we're not sure was there thirty seconds ago.


	3. Naruto

sorry it took so long (dodges sporks) well here it is. '

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"Hello, and welcome to Never Gonna Happen!" RVOON yelled walking on stage, with silver hair, a newsboy cap on and a shir that said 'emo's need not apply' with a picture of Sasuke on it saying 'I hate my life' "The show where I'm made up and the emo's don't matter!" She sat down in the host chair " I'm Moron (A/N: I don't own Maury), and on today's show we have people who are so obsessed with something that they don't realize what they have already. Please welcome Naruto!"

"Who are you?" Naruto asked, looking around the studio

"I'm RVOON, and you're on Never Gonna Happen! Now Naruto, I understand you have an obsession with ramen-"

"Ramen? Where?"

"Uhh, right. You also are obsessed with becoming Hokage and bringing Sasuke back- wait when did we get a ramen stand?"

"It's my own personal Portable Ichiraku, I never leave home without it!" Naruto said turning to the camera. "Ichiraku, mmm, delicious" he flashed a smile.

"Okay, but what Naruto seems not to realize is that he can't marry Ramen!"

"I can't? But, but I was gonna propose tonight!" Naruto cried, clutching his Portable Ichiraku.

"But, you CAN marry Hinata!" RVOON moved aside to reveal a HUGE poster of Hinata.

"Hinata? But, what about the Ramen?"

"Hinata likes ramen."

"but I can't betray the ramen!" Naruto yelled

"Oy, listen. Hinata is better then ramen, and…she has cookies?"

"Cookies?" Kiba asked, jumping onto the stage.

"We're not ready for you yet. You'll be on dail-a-date (A/N: I don't own dial-date; by the way see more about dial a date at the end of the fic!), for now… Naruto, what do you think of Hinata?"

"Uhh, well she's cute and-"

"Stop right there, this kid's thicker then my uncle's skull." RVOON pulls a curtain that reveals Hinata, blushing.

"N-Naruto-kun, do you want to get ramen with me?"

"Sure!" Naruto smiles and they walk off.

"That was tough…anyway…Next time! Sasuke!"

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Hope you liked this chapter, sorry I took so long, I'm lazier then Kakashi and Shikamaru put together. By the way, if you're interested, I'm going to be doing a Dail-a-date sequel, where we have 3 bachelors or bachelorettes try out for a date with a Naruto character. We're gonna have Kakashi, Kiba, Garra, Kankuro, Anko, Ino and a few other characters that you can date. If you're interested in being on this, just review with your name), a few things about you, and which character you'd like to compete with other girls or guys for and why you would be best with them. 


	4. Sasuke

dodges angry hamsters okay, okay! Geez I updated. don't kill me fangirls. Oh and I don't own naruto.

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RVOON jumped onstage, with her blue hair pulled into a ponytail "I've been waiting for this! Happy new year everyone, and welcome to never gonna happen, the show where you have hopes, dreams and ambitions, and we crush them!" she sat in a chair "Today we have the duck butt emo, Sasuke in the hot seat. No really, it's the hot seat, I put a heater on it. I've requested soundproof glass put into the studio today, because of all the screaming fangirls who came to the show in 'I love Sasuke' shirts." In the crowd the guys ears are bleeding from the rabid fangirl screams.

"Why the hell am I here?" Sasuke sat in the chair and rubbed his eyes.

"To pay off some of Tsunade's debt for loosing to my producer in twenty poker matches straight. We've got you for the dating game, too." He smacked his face "Anyway, emo boy you want to kill your brother."

He nodded, and there were flames in the background "Absolutely. I'll kill him and-"

"Avenge your clan?" he nodded "umm, can you stop being so…ambitious? You set the couch on fire."

"Oh, sorry."

"So, after you do that, what?"

"I never thought of that….revive my" fangirl screams, and the barrier and soundproof wall broke down "-clan?"

Streams of fangirls poured into the set "I didn't even know we had that much room in the studio…well anyway we've gotta go dump the bodies! See you next time! Where we'll have Gaara on!"

The voiceover came on "This show is brought to you by Akatsuki, 'foolish little brother, revenge is for main characters'."


End file.
